For good and bad, Israeli parents play an integral part in their children's army service.
by Daniella Ashkenazy
In 1999, Tironut (Boot Camp) - a TV sitcom characterizing Israeli military life - was aired. The program, focusing on a company of new IDF recruits in basic training for the Golani infantry brigade, faithfully reflected the "quirks" of Israeli society: only half the plot was based on training; the other half focused on soldier-parent relationships, a domain not reserved solely for off-duty hours.
In one episode, an anxious mother gets caught speeding to her son's base because she suspects that he is in trouble. The police officer confiscates her license - and then drives her the rest of the way. Other episodes dealt with an orphan who forges a consent form allowing him to volunteer for a combat unit, and a domineering father prone to domestic violence who turns parents' day into a nightmare worse than basic training. Though fictional, the series paints a fairly accurate picture of Israel's military culture. A separation between civilian and military life is nearly impossible, because one cannot separate Jewish parents from their offspring, even during military service.
Recognizing this fact, the army has proactively sought to enlist parents' support since the mid-1980s, initiating meetings between IDF representatives and parents while inductees are still seniors in high school and at various junctures throughout their military service. This begins with "parents' day" at boot camp, designed to bolster motivation and ease the shock of transition from civilian to military life for parents as well as new recruits. Throughout their children's army service, parents receive invitations to swearing-in ceremonies, graduations from various courses and a host of other occasions - including watching the first jump of a new paratrooper. There are even a few cases where senior reserve officers have insisted on jumping with their sons on their first jump. Long marches that culminate in receiving the coveted beret in a crack unit also often climax in family picnics.
The parent-army tie begins early. Parents are often active participants in deciding what to what units their children will be posted. It is fairly common for parents to try to "pull strings" to get their kids into the service branch or the unit they covet. Many will even pay for private physical fitness courses for children who aspire to join elite combat units. However, aware of the support role parents play when it comes to motivation, the army routinely asks inductees whether their parents support their decision to serve in a combat unit, and demands formal consent from parents or guardians in the case of an only child or an orphan.
Parents also help ease army life by providing their children with non-essential gear, ranging from a stock of good socks, warm thermal underwear and extra flannel swabs for cleaning weapons, to endless "extras" like padded rifle straps, pouches for organizing gear and surgeon's gloves for cleaning latrines. But probably the most important piece of gear on the "almost essential" list is a cellular phone - employed not only to mitigate the dangers of commuting ("Hi mom, I'll be at the junction at 11:15 p.m."), but also to keep in regular contact with family and friends.
The practice of scheduled "parents days" is partially an attempt by the IDF to regain control of contact between parents and the army. A decade ago, most bases allowed parents to visit on Saturdays, when operations are cut to a minimum in honor of the Sabbath. (In the name of "equal access", parents of religious soldiers were allowed to visit on Friday afternoons.) As a result, bases were flooded by parents bearing picnic baskets on weekends when their offspring were confined to base. The army drew the line when parents began showing up on maneuvers in the field.
At the same time, a growing phenomenon of parents calling their offspring's commanding officer to complain about "unjust treatment" prompted the IDF not only to close most bases to parents on weekends, but also to forbid contact between junior officers and parents. Yet lines of communication have remained open between parents and base commanders who actually request parents to inform them of special problems they feel are not being properly addressed.
Undoubtedly one of the strangest cases of this nature was the case of an IDF conscript who was afraid of the dark. For over a month, whenever the young man drew guard duty, his mother had secretly joined him in patrolling the base parameter - departing at sunrise before she was "discovered" - until her son's request for transfer to another unit where he would have no guard duty brought the incident to light.
Once finished with basic training, a majority of IDF soldiers head for home - permanently. Since the country is small, many soldiers live at home, commuting to bases daily by free public transportation, up to 100 km away. Those who live on base receive frequent weekend passes, usually coming home every other weekend, lugging gigantic duffle bags of clothes. And as offspring go off-duty, donning jeans and sneakers, parents go on-duty, manning the weekend laundry detail.